


The Ineffable Interview

by Katrina_Viv



Series: Aziraphale/Crowley Chronicles [3]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Aromantic Aziraphale, Aromantic Crowley, Asexual Aziraphale (Good Omens), Asexual Crowley (Good Omens), Fluff, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Queerplatonic Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-30 18:11:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19408645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katrina_Viv/pseuds/Katrina_Viv
Summary: How well do Aziraphale and Crowley know each other, and what do they really think of each other?





	The Ineffable Interview

**Author's Note:**

> Imagine that someone decided to interview Aziraphale and Crowley individually about their relationship, then spliced the interviews together to see what sort of interesting juxtapositions there were. Kind of like when characters are talking to the camera in Modern Family or The Office, or even the credits scene of This Is Spinal Tap. Enjoy the fluff and silliness!

_**Interviewer: What is the nature of your relationship?** _

Aziraphale: Well, he used to be a wily old serpent, and I was technically on apple-tree duty…

Crowley: We helped save the world together a few years back, but most people never heard about it. It’s no big deal really.

Aziraphale: I told Crowley that he had to do something about the impending Armageddon or I’d never speak to him again, and then he stopped time and saved the world!!!

Crowley: Best not to think about that dark time in our lives…

Aziraphale: We used to be enemies, but we became friends over the centuries, and we spend a lot of time together now.

Crowley: He makes me go to fancy restaurants and watch him eat...angels aren’t supposed to eat anything!

Aziraphale: We snuggle a lot now. Like a couple of cats, really.

Crowley: He’s in love with his bookshop.

Aziraphale: Crowley’s really quite nice once you get to know him.

Crowley: I’ve pretty much retired from the demon business, but when I’m bored I like to tempt people to send spam email messages, or buy wine that they really can’t afford.

Aziraphale: There’s no easy way to describe our relationship in human terms, but we love each other very much.

Crowley: We put up with each other.

Aziraphale: He does drive too fast for my taste, but besides that he’s a wonderful partner, and he’s quite dear to me.

Crowley: It is nice to have a good friend when you don’t really have anyone else to talk to. I mean that literally. Neither of us has any other friends. Who else are you supposed to be friends with when you’ve run away from your past, evaded execution by holy water, and joined forces with your former eternal enemy?

_**What do you like to do for fun?** _

Crowley: Drink. And drive. Not at the same time though!

Aziraphale: I like to hug him, and talk to him, and comb his hair sometimes...oh, you mean _other_ things? I collect books, and read books, and learn magic tricks, and make sure that my vintage clothing items are all _spotless_.

_**What does your partner do for fun?** _

Aziraphale: He has a wonderful collection of houseplants...he listens to rock music... probably likes to polish the Bentley now and then…

Crowley: He embarrasses me by doing magic tricks in public, and saying weird British-y things like "get a wiggle on" and "tickety-boo!" In all seriousness though, he loves clothes and food in ways I can't begin to comprehend.

_**What’s your favorite memory of your time together?**_

Aziraphale: When he saved my books during World War II.

Crowley: When I found out that he wasn’t actually dead and had just been temporarily discorporated!

 _**What sort of roles do you each play in the relationship?** _

Aziraphale: I tend to plan more activities outside the house, while Crowley is better at more private things, like making up new ways to cuddle.

Crowley: I see myself as a sort of fierce protector...Aziraphale is rather naive sometimes, because he sees the good in everything.

Aziraphale: I’m definitely the intellectual of the relationship.

Crowley: I also drive us places. Aziraphale has never liked the idea of cars, but he’ll go on trips with me sometimes.

Aziraphale: Crowley is very encouraging to me. He might come off to most people as tough and jaded, but he always cheers me up when I need it.

Crowley: Aziraphale helps me see more of the good in the world. He’s also introduced me to a lot of new things, such as board games, reading books, and going to the opera - all things I would never have tried on my own.

_**If each of you were an animal, what would you be?** _

Crowley: Well, I’ve spent a good amount of time as a snake, so that answers that question. I think that Aziraphale is most like a little fluffy white dog.

Aziraphale: I’ve never thought of that before. Maybe a cat, or a sheep, or...a dolphin! I think Crowley would be some kind of leopard.

_**What are your favorite foods?** _

Aziraphale: Oh, I can’t even begin to decide what my favorite foods are. There are just so many good foods humans have invented! Crowley seems to like very spicy things.

Crowley: Well, he got arrested for trying to find good crepes once, so...crepes? As for me, I like a good merlot or sangiovese.

_**What's your favorite thing about your partner?** _

Aziraphale: That he loves me and wants to spend time with me in spite of how different we are.

Crowley: He's the one friend I have in the entire universe.

_**Wow, those are some deep answers. What's your favorite thing appearance-wise?**_

Crowley: His smile. _(smiles just thinking about it)_

Aziraphale: He has nice hair, and he's a good hugger. He's also the most handsome demon I've ever met.

 _**What do you call each other?** _

Crowley: I call him "angel." It's what he is, and it's also quite fun to say. It's shorter than saying his full name, anyway. 

Aziraphale _(thinks for a bit)_ : I think I just call him "Crowley." What else would I call him?

 _**Is there something your partner does that drives you crazy?** _

Crowley: He’s just so _energetic_ sometimes. It’s like he’s got a “happy” setting that’s really, really hard to turn off.

Aziraphale: He tries to get me to sleep over at his place every night, when some nights I just really need some time to myself. Sometimes, when I’m at his place, he likes to go around without a shirt on, for some reason that I cannot comprehend. And he seems grouchy sometimes when I try to get him to try new foods.

_**What’s something you hope your partner never finds out?** _

Aziraphale _(smiles mischievously and whispers)_ : That I didn’t actually do some of the temptations I said I’d do on his behalf during our “arrangement” that we had for so many years.

Crowley _(becoming very serious)_ : That I was actually suicidal when I thought he was dead.

_**What’s something potentially embarrassing you know about your partner?**_

Crowley: He likes to watch musicals. That’s generally considered embarrassing, right? Also, he still uses a rotary phone.

Aziraphale: He thinks he’s so modern and fashionable, but he’s had some rather unflattering hairstyles throughout the centuries. Also, he smiles at babies! And _(whispering)_ he _kissed_ me once.

_**What do you see yourself doing 10 years from now?** _

Crowley: Really nothing different. I keep hoping that Aziraphale will make up his mind and move in with me so that I can see him more often.

Aziraphale: Perhaps expanding my bookshop, or retiring to the countryside with my best friend.

_**So, it's clear that you love each other. Would you say that you’re _in love_ with each other?** _

Crowley: _No!_

Aziraphale _(smiles silently)_ :...I’m afraid I don’t have an adequate answer to that. Some feelings are beyond mere human comprehension. _(smiles some more, thinking about Crowley)_


End file.
